Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
