I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
