This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
