Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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