My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
