she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
