take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
