I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
