girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
