just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
