I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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