Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
