I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
