i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
