I puked a lego.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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