we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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