You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
