he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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