It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
