How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
