I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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