I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
