apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The power of my boobs compel you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
