I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
