His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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