glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
