the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
