I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
