I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
