Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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