if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
