why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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