So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
