I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
