You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
