he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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