Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize