Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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