Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
