Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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