I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
