Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
