Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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