I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
