I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
