guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
