...so i touched it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
