hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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