I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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