how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
