Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
