I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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