Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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