My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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