I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it