i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.