so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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