I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
