you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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