And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My life is pants optional.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
