this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
