break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
