Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
