textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
