Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize