This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
