now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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