My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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