this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
