I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
