I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You're like the curious george of whores
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
