5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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