You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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