I cockslap morals
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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