Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you will always have a special place in my vag
im calling her cock vulture from now on
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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