I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
